Lick her! if you really want to get her going lick her. I love beeing licked ^^ Its really great! Hey, guys, if you can lick porperly do it! The girl will get a experience she'll never forget! It's really a good feeling being licked! So all you guys who wanna lick a girl, teach it firstand you'll be the best boyfriend EVER!! :)
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Showing posts with label Advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Advice. Show all posts
Foreplay - Lick Her
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Talk Your Partner About Issues and Concern About Sex
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Hand Job Techniques..
Hand jobs are a great way to pleasure your man. They can be used by themselves, or while performing oral sex on your partner. Below is a listing of hand job techniques, mostly gathered from alt.sex.faq. Although not necessary, it is better to perform these using a lubricant.
Pressure
With one hand, pull the shaft's skin toward the base and wrap the fingers of this hand around the base to act as a cock ring. Using the other hand, rhythmically pick various points along the shaft of the penis and squeeze opposite sides of the penile shaft at these points, releasing pressure either immediately or after only a brief period of time.
Fire
Rub the penis between both palms, as if rubbing two sticks together to create fire. Be sure to use plenty of oil.
Glans Head Massage
Hold the penis in one hand with the head sticking up. Using the well-oiled palm of your other hand, slowly and sensitively massage the glans head. Reverse directions every once in a while.
Healing Stroke
With the penis resting on the man's stomach, take one hand and cup the testicles. Then glide the heel of the palm of the other hand up and down the underside of the penis.
Twist and Shout
Pull the skin of the penis toward the base with one hand. With the other hand, corkscrew the penis. This can be done with the thumb and first finger or with your entire grip.
Anvil Stroke
Start with one hand lightly grasping the top of the penis. Then stroke the penis from the top, all the way to the bottom. When you hit the bottom, release the penis. Meanwhile, bring your other hand to the top of the penis and repeat.
Bookends
Place both of your hands side by side against his shaft like a pair of bookends. Now push hard against his penis. Then lift your hands up and down.
Doorknob
Turn the head of his penis like you're trying to open an oily doorknob. Now try turning the other way. Repeat. This stroke is sometimes improved by using the other hand to stretch the skin of the penis toward the base.
Double Whammy
Bring your well lubricated hands down on his shaft. Some penises are so big they require both hands; if your partner's doesn't, then use the other hand to caress and lightly flutter his testicles, or tighten around the base of his shaft. If both hands fit along the length of the shaft then move them together, up and down, in the typical pumping motion. Pretend you're holding a baseball bat and are about to score a grand slam. You can also vary the directions of your hands: one up, one down at the same time.
Milking
Start with one hand lightly grasping the bottom of the penis. Then stroke the penis from the bottom all the way to the top. When you hit the top, release the penis. Meanwhile, bring your other hand to the bottom of the penis and repeat.
Perpetual Penetration
Start with one hand lightly grasping the top of the penis. Then stroke the penis from the top all the way to the bottom, letting his penis "penetrate" into your fist on each stroke. Before the head of his penis pops out of your hand, bring the other hand up for the next penetration. This way it seems to him like he is penetrating deeper and deeper into an infinite vagina. Make sure you keep the penetration continuous.
Ring
Make a ring with your thumb and forefinger and pump up and down with it. When you get to the top close the ring. Then make him squeeze his way in as you slide back down to the bottom.
Shaft
Stroke only his shaft, ignoring his glans head. You will notice his glans head swelling and turning red. When it's bright red, use Doorknob, Glans Head Massage, or Perpetual Penetration.
Shuttle Penis
Take the penis in both hands, fingers lightly touching the sides of the shaft. Now flick the penis back and forth between your two hands by holding onto the loose skin of the shaft. Do this stroke for a while to allow tension to build.
Spot Pinch
Lightly and slowly run a finger up the underside of his penis. Ask him to tell you where the most sensitive spot is. Pinch, squeeze, nibble and tease that spot.
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Cunnilingus Techniques
Performing cunnilingus can be one of the most wonderful things you can do for a woman. It makes her feel loved, admired, sexy, and has the potential to give her an exceptional orgasm. Many women prefer it to intercourse, and for those who require a large amount of clitoral stimulation, it is the easiest way to orgasm. Besides, lots of women expect it these days and men who perform great cunnilingus are always appreciated and considered fabulous lovers.
There is little more exciting to a woman than to know that her partner finds her delicious; meaning that you enjoy the taste, smell and feeling of her vaginal juices. At the same time, there is little less exciting to a woman than to think that you don’t like the taste and smell of her most intimate region. If your partner has a smell that is more than you can handle, or she doesn’t feel comfortable with you down there (thinking you won’t like the smell), suggest taking a nice hot shower or bath together. See the Bathing and Showering section for more details on how to make that bathroom experience a whole lot of fun for the both of you.
Before reading further, you may want to get acquainted with this region of her body by reading the erogenous zones section and having a look at the diagrams.
Remember, there is almost nothing you can do that will feel bad (so long as you are gentle), so relax! Any licking and sucking of the labia, vaginal entrance, clitoris, or anal area should feel great to your partner. Also, once you find something that works, don’t stray too far away from it unless you are moving to something that works better, or if you are teasing.
Oral Techniques
The Lick
Leaving your tongue soft and jaw relaxed, try licking her from vaginal entrance up to her clit and following the outer edges of her vagina along both sides. Repeating this technique going up and down and vice versa can be a great opener.
Labial Hold
While holding the two parts together with your lips, run your tongue between the inner and outer labia one side at a time.
Tongue Intercourse
The majority of a woman’s nerve endings in her vagina are around the opening and within the first couple of inches inside. Target them with your tongue by inserting it into her vaginal opening. Techniques are pretty limited due to the length of your tongue, but try moving your tongue in and out, as well as in circles around the inside of her opening.
The Flick
Spread her outer vaginal lips with your fingers. With your tongue pointed, gently flick your tongue around her clitoris. Feel free to roam, but keep coming back to her clitoris, as it is the most sensitive. This drives some women wild, and others find it to too intense. When stimulating her clit make sure to start out gently if you aren’t sure how she likes it. When you try this, pay attention to whether those moans are ecstasy or pain.
The following techniques should not be introduced until your partner is really hot (i.e., very wet). These are more intense techniques, and may be too intense for some women, even when nearing orgasm.
The Clitoris Suck
Expose her clitoris by spreading her lips and lightly pull back her hood. With her clitoris exposed, give it a quick little suck; pulling it into your mouth briefly and letting it go. This is a lot like licking a bit of cake batter off of your pinky. This feels incredible, and is a fine thing to do if you feel like tormenting her – but don’t overdo it! We recommend not using your teeth nor using heavy suction when starting out.
The Clitoris Hold
Take her exposed clit into your mouth and gently suck on it, simultaneously flicking your tongue over and around it. This can be done very lightly or very aggressively, and combined with fingering, will usually rapidly produce an intense orgasm.
The Tongue Tube
Roll your tongue into a tube (if you cannot do this, forget about it because it is genetic and you can't learn it). This technique works best in an inverted or 69 position. Roll your tongue into a tube around her clitoris. Slide it back-and-forth; in effect, your tongue is doing something similar to a woman's vagina around a man's penis. This is likely to bring any woman over the edge to an explosive orgasm.
ABC’s
Try using your tongue to spell the alphabet on her genitals. This works surprisingly well as your tongue is always moving in different directions. Learn her favorite letters and the orders that work the best!
Other Tips
A good lover’s hands never stop moving, so keep exploring, insert a finger, or massage her thighs while you perform.
You can also try using a wide variety of flavored gels, oils, and lubricants. Some of these products heat up when rubbed or blown to add extra stimulation.
Having a mint in your mouth while you are performing cunnilingus can also improve your results. The mint, as long as it is not too weak or strong, can create a very intense tingling sensation to enhance your performance.
Exercises
To be able to perform for extended periods of time, there are a number of exercises that can be used to strengthen the muscles in your mouth. Here are a few tongue exercises and positions for performing cunnilingus:
Exercise 1:
Stick your tongue as far out of your mouth as possible, and then try to touch your nose. Once you are in this position, hold the same muscle groups still and begin moving your tongue around. Practice in sets, moving the tongue clockwise, counterclockwise, and up and down.
Exercise 2:
With a loose jaw, point your tongue while simultaneously trying to keep your tongue in constant contact with the top and bottom your mouth. Once you are in this position, practice moving your tongue in and out of your mouth. For the more advanced student, try keeping your mouth closed and circling your tongue around inside of it, while of course, maintaining position. An extension to the advanced exercise is trying to dissolve a lifesaver held in your teeth from the inside out.
Exercise 3:
Stick your tongue straight out of your mouth, trying to keep your tongue flat and relaxed. Slowly, while holding the position, practice curling the wide tip of the tongue upward, downward and side-to-side. Practice in five sets of ten, holding each move for 2 seconds.
Exercise 4:
Keep your tongue relaxed and open your mouth. Move your tongue in and out of your mouth forwards and in both directions. Practice in five sets of twenty.always,
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Oral Sex Tips
An integral part of foreplay for a lot of people is performing oral sex on a partner; it is the most intimate step in becoming comfortable with your lover’s body, and your own. Foreplay can devolve into several playful techniques of erotic exploration, but oral sex both functionally and emotionally enhances the event. It allows us to feel closer to our partners, because we have surrendered a small amount of self-control by exposing a vulnerable body area. At the same time, the egocentric experience that we undergo when receiving oral gratification can be an enlightening one for those of us who are more reserved.
As always, safety is a concern; you can protect yourself and your partner by using an unlubricated condom or latex dental dam. A simple trick to make great dental dam is to chop of the end of a condom, then cut down one side of the latex cylinder. This rectangle is then placed over the anal area or woman’s genitals. It may seem like more effort then its worth, but there is a lot to say for the peace of mind knowing that you aren’t going to wake up with an unfortunate surprise. This is generally a good idea all the time, but should be performed at least until both partners have been tested for STDs.
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Arrest Hair Falls in 7 Days
PROFINAST, Anti Hair Loss
Profinast, The herbal finasteride is a combination of herbs, vitamins and nutrients, formulated to arrest hair fall in men, in just 7 days. Age old proven herbs are now enhanced with essential vitamins and important nutrients to stop hair fall immediately and promote faster hair re-growth.
How does it work?
Profinast works by blocking the formation of DHT i.e. Dihydrotestosterone, a male hormone responsible for hair shrinkage. DHT once formed, binds to hair follicle, retards growth and cuts off blood supply to the follicle. Thus, hair starts to thin down and eventually falls. Profinast stops DHT formation, reverse hair follicle shrinkage and promote hair re-growth. In a nutshell, PROFINAST provides overall nutritional support to hairs right from the root.
- Blocks DHT formation
- Reverse hair shrinkage
- Improve blood supply
- Promote re-growth
Here is how it works, over 360 days...
- Day 1 : No Profinast
Day 7 : No further heavy hair loss
Day 14 : Reversal of hair shrinkage
Day 30 : Inducing hair-regrowth
Day 90 : Visible hair growth seen
Day 365 : Complete reversal of the process and normal growth cycle starts.
Order to Test Drive Now
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Sugar Evans
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10 tips on how to eleminate Premature Ejaculation
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Rounding the bases
When it comes to pleasing a lover, intercourse is only the tip of the iceberg. A solid knowledge of everything leading up to the sex will lay the proper foundation and make you more of a complete and well-rounded lover. Just remember, every minute you spend in experienced foreplay will pay it's dividend three-fold when it comes time for intercourse. Also, if you want to take the pressure off your performance, it is never a bad idea to give your lover an orgasm before you even begin!
A good percentage of women prefer oral sex to intercourse, so shhh... no more talking, your tongue has work to do. Surprisingly, in an informal survey of women conducted by Legend's Gym, well over half of the men giving oral were categorized as "having no clue what they were doing." This was followed by the resounding challenge, "It's not that hard, its only one spot!" To which was replied, "Right, and which spot was that again?" For those of you who need that question answered, it's the clitoris (that little hooded thing resting on the top of the vagina). The number one complaint was that men seemed to be getting lost, and were wandering all around the vagina like children separated from their parents at the mall. 'Would the child of Cun E. Lingus please return to the Clitoris? Thank You.' Now that we got that straight, here's what you do when you get there...
THE KISS
Don't underestimate the power of a kiss.
THE SECRET OF THE UPPER LIP
There is a meridian, or energy channel, that runs from the upper lip of a woman's mouth, directly to her clitoris. It is called the "wisdom conch-like nerve" and if you caress it with your lips, and tease it with your teeth, it will subconsciously stir her excitement. Which will subconsciously get her aching to have sex with you.
Turn Your Bedroom into a Pleasure Palace
Nine new ways to last longer, experiment more, and make it hotter...
LAST LONGER IN BED
First, take one adult-size dose of reality -- you may feel better: The average guy lasts 5 to 10 minutes. So maybe you're perfectly normal but have been brainwashed by sitcom jokes and porn. Sex therapist Brian Zamboni, Ph.D., suggests shrugging off an early emission with some extra attention to her arousal (yes, it means staying awake), then getting back in the saddle. Most men last much longer the second time around. And the more you practice, the longer that first time will last. If your doctor signs off on it, you could try Viagra: A study shows it can help reduce your refractory period for that second go-round, and confidence leads to endurance. Also, do the following.
Please her first
Then she won't care so much about your hair trigger. Use your hands, mouth, or sex toys to bring her to orgasm before you take your turn, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First.
Let her climb on
When she's on top, your penis is less stimulated. And ask her to go slowly. "Long and fast thrusting is hazardous to a man's endurance," says sexologist Robert W. Birch, Ph.D.
Practice
When you masturbate, don't let yourself come quickly -- it will train your body to finish fast, says Zamboni. If it usually takes you 2 minutes, try to stretch it to 5, and so on. Pay close attention to your arousal, Kerner says. If you can learn to sense when you're about to ejaculate, you'll know when to pull out and take a breather during sex.
HAVE MORE SEX WITH YOUR WIFE
Focus on better sex and the frequency will take care of itself, says Joy Davidson, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of Fearless Sex. One way is to add quickies to the equation... while redefining "quickie" in a way that works for both of you. Think of it more as an unplanned event than a brief one. Try a new environment where daring and spontaneity are part of the act -- a department-store dressing room, your garage before you leave for dinner, under that tiny airline blanket in 35A and 35B. If more places are available, more sex is, too. "If it's exciting, she won't need as much time to be aroused," says Joel Block, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of The Art of the Quickie. "Quickies that work will energize any sexual relationship. You'll have captured her imagination."
Persuade her to experiment more
Here's the problem: Whatever you suggest, she'll know why you'll enjoy it, but she'll wonder what's in it for her. (Note: Her chance to play "horny chiropractor" is not an incentive.) So start with bringing out her fantasies, says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. One night a month, be her do-anything male escort. She decides what happens. It could be the hot naughty. It could be dinner, one long kiss, and sending you off all excited. It could be shopping attentively with her -- stick with us here -- so every other woman in the store is jealous (never a small thing in her world). At the end of the evening, she pays you with an IOU for whatever she thinks you were worth -- so she'll have a chance to exercise her racy imagination. Whatever happens, you gladly play along and then reap the benefits. "Once a man shows he can be tolerant and eroticize her fantasy, she'll offer up more variety," Brame says.
Spend more time with her
Set up a romantic dinner date the way you'd schedule an office meeting and you'll thrive at home and at work. "The classic mistake busy men make is putting all their planning into their workdays and none into their personal lives," says Julie Morgenstern, a time-management consultant. "It may feel like career suicide, but the only way to keep your creative and strategic edge at work is to allow yourself to recharge at home." Making your partner a priority may boost your health as well: Studies show that spending time with a supportive spouse can curb work-related stress and lower blood pressure.
Set a schedule together
If that means a weekly gig for the babysitter, go for it. You'll be surprised by the payoff: "A routine is not so much confining as it is liberating," says Morgenstern. It's a guilt buster. "You won't feel guilty spending time with business associates on a Monday night because you'll have planned other times to go out with your wife or girlfriend. It frees you to live in the moment."
TELL YOUR CRUSH HOW YOU FEEL
"Rip off the proverbial Band-Aid and get it over with," says Nicole Beland, Men's Health's Girl Next Door. "Until you ask, you're never really going to know." Talk in person, call, or e-mail (yes, e-mailing is fine) on a Thursday afternoon -- that's the golden hour for confessing a crush. "It's late enough in the week that a girl will be thinking about the weekend, but she won't be rushing out the way she might on Friday," Beland says. And keep it short. "Tell her you have to get something off your chest, and then blurt it out just like they do in the movies," she says. "It's the most painless and romantic way. Then back off and give her time to think."
If she rejects you
Stand up straight, smile, and say something like "I'm glad you're honest, and it would be great if we could be friends." Above all, stay classy. She'll remember that.
If she's on the fence
Lay low and don't try to win her over with flowers or gifts. "If she's waffling, a grand gesture would only overwhelm her," Beland says.
If she says, "Oh, all right"
Send flowers the next day -- something small and basic. Then plan the date. "It takes balls," Beland says. "Will she jump into your arms? You're about to find out."
Turn a friend into a lover
Making a move on a good friend requires more careful work than defusing a pipe bomb. One false move and, well, you know. Avoid devastation and fallout with these four expert-approved strategies.
1. Set the scene. Choose a place that's comfortable for both of you, says Logan Levkoff, a sex educator and columnist in New York City. And don't make it a big production. "A lot of guys try to take cues from sappy movies where friends become something more," says Levkoff. "Don't stand outside her window with a boom box over your head."
2. Read her body. Talk less, do more. "Kiss her," says Levkoff. "Sometimes it's easier to break down the barrier physically instead of verbally." But how do you know to go for it? "If her face is close enough that you can lean in, then that's a good sign," she says.
3. Leave your game at the door. She knows about every girl you've dated and every pickup line you've ever used, so no fancy come-ons, Levkoff advises. Look her in the eyes and say, "You know all about me and my past, and I don't want the other girls I've dated. I want you." Yes, it's formal, but say it anyway. "It works because it shows her you're sincere," says Levkoff.
4. Retreat. If it doesn't work out, follow these three words: Let it be. "Eventually, your friendship can, and will, return to normal," says Levkoff.
REDUCE YOUR PORN HABIT
Your problem may not be a bad jones (and overworked johnson), but boredom. If you transform spare time into quality time, you won't be running to your computer every 10 minutes. "Join a hockey club or play in a basketball league at your gym," suggests Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. "Engaging in sports will help relieve pent-up physical needs."
And kink up your real-life sex life. "Porn is a quick fix," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex therapist in New York City. Tell your wife or girlfriend a sexy fantasy you had about her. "Women are into role playing just as much as men are," says Kerner. It'll turn her on, and you'll have the naughty nurse of your dreams -- no flat-screen required.
Go to the next page for tips on how to get over an ex, make her orgasm every time, and have more sex with hot women...
MAKE SURE SHE REACHES ORGASM, EVERY TIME
This one's easy: Downgrade that resolution. "Put a woman under that kind of perceived pressure and you're pretty much guaranteeing that she won't climax," says Laura Berman, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the director of the Berman Center, in Chicago. "It's one of the main reasons women fake it."
Remember John Cleese in The Meaning of Life: "What's wrong with a kiss, boy?" A survey conducted by the Berman Center and K-Y Brand found that couples who kiss often in non-sexual situations are eight times less likely to feel stressed than those who don't. The key: "Kiss her in a way that doesn't feel like a quick stop-off on the way to getting undressed," Berman says. "Massage her, rub her all over her body, and give her the opportunity to quiet her mind before having sex." Yes, all that before you go stampeding toward her clitoris.
And once you do get to her clitoris? Toning down your intensity during sex may help her relax. "Unlike men, a lot of women find it easier to have an orgasm if they're receiving slower, more consistent stimulation," says Berman.
HAVE FREQUENT SEX WITH HOT WOMEN
What you're really saying, then, is "I want to manage several relationships at once without being perceived as a womanizing jerk." There are dangers here. Women in sexual relationships sometimes like to include monogamy in the program. But if you want to try, then the best advice, says Dean Mignola, author of The Single Guy's Survival Guide, is to remain genuine without being predatory. Let each woman know that you're seeing others. Say this: "I want to make sure when I choose someone, I really know her." She may dump you then and there. But maybe not. Her competitiveness may kick in, which could result in extra nakedness.
PROPOSE TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND THIS YEAR
Congratulations! May she always have the wit of Sarah Silverman and the body of Laetitia Casta. To ensure that this is the last proposal you'll ever have to deliver, first make the moment all about the two of you. That means you should resist the urge to tell everyone you know before you propose, says Judy Kuriansky, Ph.D., author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Dating. This includes her best friends. The next step is setting up the occasion. You don't need an audience; renting a hot-air balloon or securing space on the Jumbotron will only be a distraction. Instead, plan a day that demonstrates how well you know her, and propose then. Pick a place you've enjoyed together before, or choose a significant date, like the anniversary of the day you met. When she says yes, all that's left to do is pucker up... and kiss your independence goodbye!
HAVE HARDER ERECTIONS
Legendary erections are all about great bloodflow, like you had when you and all your blood vessels were in your teens. Regular exercise will always help with that, and here are some other hardening strategies you should be aware of.
Lose some weight
If you're looking to turn your weeping willow into a mighty oak, just add testosterone. Building muscle will stoke your he-man hormone supply. The surest way to deplete it? Gain fat. A study from Weill Medical College at Cornell University shows that as men gain weight, their testosterone levels shrink accordingly. The really good news: Muscle is the best fat incinerator around. Add some and you stiffen your resolve in two mutually reinforcing ways.
Get berried
The antioxidants in berries may combat free radicals in your bloodstream that could put a damper on your erection, Indiana University researchers found. Add as many as you can to your presex diet.
Tune your ticker
Yeah, yeah -- heart disease is the number one killer of men. But let's talk about something important: The blood-vessel scarring that threatens your heart also threatens the tiny vessels that harden your erection. So eat an apple and a bowl of oatmeal every day: Fiber is a great blood-vessel scouring agent.
GET OVER YOUR EX AND MOVE ON
Strip clubs and buddies can be your first line of defense, but as therapeutic as they are, you have to go back to that empty home sometime.
Be serious about it
"Treat a breakup as if you're overcoming an addiction," says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., author of Why We Love. Banish evidence of your ex -- cards, photos, that cursed jug of Woolite. They're the equivalent of a dime bag in the glove compartment, says Fisher.
Next step
Take a 90-day hiatus from new relationships. Enjoy your unencumbered life: "If you've wanted to go to South America or take sailing lessons, now's your time," says Fisher. Before you know it, you'll be ready to dash yourself on the jagged rocks of love all over again.
Heat in a Hurry
Endless Bickering
Fighting over serious issues is normal, but bickering can cramp your sex life, says Valerie Davis Raskin, M.D., author of Great Sex for Moms. Unless compromise is easy, "it's often better to put minor disputes aside," she says. "You shouldn't talk over everything endlessly." In our survey, the most trivial quarrels were about the house. Avoid them by playing to each other's strengths. Then divvy up the decisions accordingly.
A Houseful of Kids
If tantrums and diapers are polluting your passion, ditch the kids (for a night). "It's all about creating opportunity," Dr. Raskin says. "Spontaneity is enviable, but planned sex can be great, too." Particular-ly if you're not getting enough. You know that couple next door? They're probably in a similar situation, so propose a kid swap. You take theirs on Friday, they take yours on Saturday. If the neighbors are freaks, go home when the kids aren't: lunchtime. Nearly 40 percent of women would be willing to get busy at noon.
Late-Night TV
Here's a disturbing set of statistics: Italian researchers found that having a TV in the bedroom halves your sex tally, yet 64 percent of couples keep a set in the boudoir. "Getting it on is about putting the brain and body in a passionate state--TV does the opposite," says Heidi Raykeil, author of Confessions of a Naughty Mommy. Can't quit? Buy a DVR and watch your favorite shows on weekends.
Conflicting Schedules
Sixty-hour workweeks plus social plans can leave her too tired to tangle. But pumping up the passion at the beginning of your week sets the tone for days to come. Go to the gym together on Monday or Tuesday: Studies show both sexes experience a surge of libido-boosting testosterone 30 minutes after a workout. Shower and then hit the bedroom. "It'll zap stress and the sexual momentum will last through the weekend," says Michael Breus, Ph.D., author of Good Night.
An Extra Slice of Pie
Hoovering down a romantic dinner can backfire. Share an entrée to eat less, and spark a passionate interaction, says Bunny Crumpacker, author of The Sex Life of Food. "Choosing a meal together and sharing the dish can boost your sense of cooperation," she says. Your best bet: Whip up a dish at home--66 percent of the women we surveyed said they'd be more likely to have sex after a home-cooked meal.
Building Trust
What is trust?
Trust is:
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Letting others know your feelings, emotions and reactions, and having the confidence in them to respect you and to not take advantage of you.
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Sharing your inner feelings and thoughts with others with the belief that they will not spread them indiscriminately.
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Placing confidence in others so that they will be supportive and reinforcing of you, even if you let down your "strong'' mask and show your weaknesses.
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Assuming that others will Publishnot intentionally hurt or abuse you if you should make an error or a mistake.
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The inner sense of acceptance you have of others with whom you are able to share secrets, knowing they are safe.
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The sense that things are fine; that nothing can disrupt the bond between you and the other.
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The ability to let others into your life so that you and they can create a relationship built on an understanding of mutual respect, caring, and concern to assist one another in growing and maturing independently.
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The glue or cement of relationships that allows you to need others to fulfill yourself.
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Opening yourself up to let others in on your background, problems, concerns, and mistakes with the assurance that they will not ostracize you because of these things.
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The act of placing yourself in the vulnerable position of relying on others to treat you in a fair, open, and honest way.
Why do people have trouble developing trust in others?
People have trouble developing trust if they have:
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Experienced a great deal of emotional and/or physical abuse and/or neglect.
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Been chronically put down for the way they feel or for what they believe.
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Been emotionally hurt in the past and are not willing to risk getting hurt in the future.
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Had problem relationships in the past where they were belittled, misunderstood, or ignored.
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Experienced the loss of a loved one through death. They can get so caught up in unresolved grief that they are unable to open themselves up to others, fearing they will be left alone again due to death, or, abandonment.
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Experienced a hostile or bitter divorce, separation, or end of a relationship. They may be unable to believe anyone who opens up to them in a new, committed relationship.
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Been reared in or have lived in an environment emotionally and/or physically unpredictable and volatile.
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Experienced a great deal of pain at the hands of another. Even if the other finally recognizes and accepts the responsibility to change such behavior, the person fears that if they let their guard down, the pain and hurt will begin again.
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Low self-esteem and cannot believe that they are deserving of the attention, care, and concern of anyone. They have problems even trusting the positive, healthy, and reinforcing behavior of another who is sincere.
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Experienced a great deal of non-provoked victimization in their lives. They are unwilling to trust people, situations, or institutions for fear of being victimized again.
What are some beliefs of people who have problems trusting?
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I have been hurt too much in the past, and I refuse to be hurt again now or in the future!
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People are out to get all they can from you, so avoid them to survive!
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As soon as you let your guard down, you will be stepped on again!
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No one is to be trusted!
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You always get hurt by the ones you love!
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I get no respect from anyone!
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All men (or women) are dishonest and are never to be trusted!
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Everyone is out to get me!
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I am never successful in picking partners, so why try again!
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As soon as you care and open up to someone, they will always leave you!
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Marriage is the pits!
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There is no such thing as a healthy relationship!
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You can never let your guard down because all hell will break loose!
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All reformations are short-lived!
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If I give in and believe you have truly changed, relaxing my defenses, I am most certainly going to be hurt again once you backslide!
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There is no such thing as change in behavior. It is only manipulation by others to get their way with you!
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Everyone is out to get as much as they can out of you!
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There is no such thing as a fair employer, generous company, or supportive work place!
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It is better to live alone for the rest of my life than to risk being hurt as I was!
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I will never let you know my true feelings again since, if I do open up, I'm afraid you will use them against me to hurt me!
What behavioral traits do people need in order to develop trust?
People need to develop the following behavior traits, attitudes, and beliefs in order to develop trust:
Hope in the goodness of mankind: Without such hope people can become emotionally stuck, reclusive, and isolated. Hope in goodness is a change based on the willingness to take a risk that all people are not evil, bad, or ill-willed.
Faith in the fairness of life: This faith in fairness is similar to the ``boomerang belief,'' that what you throw out to others will come back to you eventually in life. So if people are fair, honest, or nurturing they will eventually receive similar behavior aimed back at them. Having faith in fairness is an attitude that helps people be open to others and risk being vulnerable. They believe that the person who treats them negatively will eventually ``get it in the end!'' and be punished in someway later in this life or in the next.
Belief in a power greater than yourself: This is the acceptance of a spiritual power with greater strength, wisdom, and knowledge than you; one with a divine plan to include your experience, whatever you will encounter in life. Rather than believing that you are 100% in control of your destiny, belief in this spiritual power enables you to let go of over responsibility, guilt, and anger. This lets you accept God's will in your life and enables you to let go of your distrust and isolation from others. If God is in control of the universe, you can lighten your load and let God do some of the leading in your life. `"Let go and let God,'' can be your motto.
A healing environment: This is the creating of a trust bond with the significant others in your personal life where blaming, accusing, and acrimony do not exist. In the healing mode the participants actively use forgiveness, understanding, and healthy communication to resolve problems and issues. The participants are then willing to forget, to let go, and to release themselves of the past hurts, wounds, and pain, opening themselves to trust one another.
Reduction of a sense of competition: This reducing of competition, jealousy, and defensiveness with significant others in your life is a way to reduce the barriers between you and them. The lowering of these psychological barriers is essential to the movement toward development of mutual trust.
Self-disclosure of negative self-scripts: Your disclosing of your inability to feel good about yourself and your perceived lack of healthy self-esteem are essential in reducing miscommunication or misunderstanding between you and the significant others in your life. This self-disclosure reveals to the others your perspective on obstacles you believe you bring to relationships. This sheds the mask of self-defensiveness and allows the other to know you as you know yourself. It is easier to trust that which is real than that which is unreal or hidden.
Taking a risk to be open to others: This enables you to become a real person to others. It is an essential behavior in trust-building between two people because it is the establishing of the parameters of strengths and weaknesses on which you have to draw as the relationship develops.
Becoming vulnerable: This enables you to be hurt by others who know your weaknesses and strengths. This is an essential step in trust-building between people. It lays the cards on the table in a gamble that in such total self-revelation the others will accept you for who you really are rather than for who they want you to be. In order to get to full self-disclosure you must take the risk to be vulnerable to others. This is an important building block in trust development.
Letting go of fear: Fear restricts your actions with others. Letting go frees you of behavioral constraints that can immobilize your emotional development. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of caring, fear of success, fear of being hurt, fear of the unknown, and fear of intimacy are blocks to the development of trust relationships and can impede relationship growth if not given appropriate attention and remedial action.
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